“Bob’s in town from Seattle for the night. I told him he should come for dinner instead of eat at the hotel.”
Of course. Um, who the hell is Bob again? “From accounting.” And we are having him for dinner because…he’s your boss? “No, just a guy from the Seattle office.” I get it. Yes, please bring him. Bring him right at 6 pm on a Tuesday night when everyone gets back from respective activities and there’s like two hours worth of homework and also think of something to impress your non-boss, Bob.
Now that Bob is coming for dinner I need to do two things:
1. Throw every single pile of crap into a closet, including laundry. Just need to remind myself that my AT&T bill is on top and service is about to be cancelled because I forgot to pay the bill.
2. Create some sort of mock-zen. Music and wine should do the trick. First, put on Ella Fitzgerald tunes on Pandora. Makes atmosphere look relaxed and sophisticated despite the fact that my kids are going to blow when they walk in. Open red wine and immediately down one glass. This will prevent unnecessary anxiety that kicks in right about 5 pm anyway but now that Bob’s coming it will definitely be at its peak any time Bob is not around and husband who invited Bob is.
Now, when Bob and husband walk in, there should be some sauteing going on to look casual. “My wife’s an amazing cook,” husband will say as he and Bob share a scotch. I will casually glance over and smile. “Bob, why hello. So glad you could join us.” When I’m really thinking, “So glad you could join us loser instead of taking my husband and me out to the steak place like most people do when they come into town so I can feed my kids chicken nuggets and get a babysitter.”
But Bob is not taking us to the steak place. Bob is coming over very, very soon. So tonight, Bob will be eating something that again I must resort to my freezer to excavate. A well stocked freezer is a busy woman’s best friend, like a drawer filled with new panty hose.
Bob, Bob, Bob, what shall I feed thee from Seattle? Fish? Nah. You can get better fish at home, Bob. But stir- fry, now that’s a satellite office pleaser. Take out those cute colored chopsticks that someone once got us and we’ve never used and all of a sudden we have a theme night.
Theme nights are great when the unexpected guest descends upon your household. Makes you look like a fun family. And everybody loves fun families.
So, join me in some very quick thinking and some very yummy chicken and broccoli stir fry. And let’s toast Bob from Seattle whom I hope I don’t have to entertain on the fly anytime again soon.