I Don’t Even Know What to Title This One…
Today’s chaos started when I realized my dog has a cold. I actually didn’t think that was possible. They can’t get stomach flu and they can’t get lice (two things I wish I didn’t know so much about) so I guess I’m lucky. But when your dog starts sneezing uncontrollably, is lethargic and won’t fetch, you start to worry in a way only a mother does.
So, like every good Jewish mother, I did what they’d do. I gave him chicken soup. Not homemade, mind you. I don’t care how great of a dog you are, you’re not getting my liquid gold. But Panera’s I can spare. Seeing that I’m there each and every day anyway, it’s easy for me to pick up. He lapped it up in about 15 seconds.
It didn’t work because we’re now on day four of sneezing uncontrollably. So I’m out $2.50 for soup I should have eaten myself. What was I thinking?
Chaos continued after my orthodontist wired my mouth shut (I have braces). And coming from a person who likes to talk/yell at my kids as much as I do, getting your mouth wired shut doesn’t keep a family running very smoothly. I can’t talk and I can’t yell. So the only one who benefits is my husband who thinks this is the most brilliant idea ever.
I almost choked on a Hershey Kiss when I decided to eat it without taking out my wiring (the rubber bands are removable; they just aren’t supposed to be removed). So I made a perfect hole in my mouth and poked in the chocolate but wasn’t exactly able to bite it so I had to wait until it melted to actually benefit. Coming from someone who can usually suck down ten Hershey Kisses in three seconds this wasn’t very fun. Neither was the choking part. I spent the next hour playing Angry Birds on my phone to get over it.
So my dog has a cold and I’m wired shut and I need to make something for dinner that doesn’t involve biting anything. If I were back in high school I’d hit the 7-Eleven and have a large Slurpee. But that’s not the best parenting so I will cook something that is slurp-able instead.
I open the freezer. Please have something in there. Oohhh. Frozen spinach. I can hide that in pasta. Jessica Seinfeld will be so proud. I have noodles. I have cheese. I have a few cans of diced tomatoes but no jarred sauce. Shoot. Well, diced tomatoes will have to work. I have carrots that came back in the lunch box. I have a straw (for me…don’t laugh). I have wine (which is probably where I should have started). Let’s get to work…