Published on: 03-17-2011

I don’t like having conflict with other moms. It’s uncomfortable. It’s awkward. It’s juvenile. It’s “Momflict.”

But every now and then a girl has to speak up, right? So I did. And it was uncomfortable. And it was awkward. And it was just a weeee bit juvenile. It happened last week when my daughters were in the school play. Make that the school “production.” Yes, production is a better word because by the way the director and posse of mom volunteers carried on with their headsets and coordinating hats you’d think we were on Broadway. Or that some major talent scout was in the audience. But it was really just an elementary school play that was taken to the next level by a few zealots (read: imperious moms).

Just for the record I like a school play that really has the markings of a school play. One where kids make their own costumes, where sets and props are cut out of poster board and stuff goes wrong. Stuff like kids saying their lines too early, or costumes being just a bit askew. Maybe you even hear a bit of the crew backstage when you’re not supposed to hear them. Yeah, that’s a good one. Because that’s what makes the videos funny in ten years. If I wanted to see a perfectly polished production I’d pay for it. Oh, wait, they make you do that too. If I wanted to see a perfectly polished production, I’d fly to New York and head to the Gershwin on West 51st. When I’m in a gymnasium I seek gymnasium quality.

So when I gladly gave up my Sunday (and previous week of evenings might I add) to volunteer for not one, but TWO performances of said musical “production” for my five- and eight-year-old daughters, I assumed my act of volunteerism would be met with open arms. Except when you have moms who are wearing headsets and coordinating hats yelling at you every five minutes and telling you what is and what is not allowed in the “green room” (really?) for a five-year-old, it doesn’t exactly work that way. What can be even more annoying is when you have to escort one of the 40 (yes, 40) young children you’re supervising to the bathroom in between costume changes and are told he is not allowed to pee. Who tells a five-year-old kid that he is not allowed to pee?

And this is where my momflict comes in. Because after trying desperately to sneak into the hallway when a microphone clad/coordinating hat volunteer mom was out of sight, another one came flying out from nowhere to scold me. Poor little Charlie really had to go. And I mean REALLY. So when microphone clad/coordinating hat volunteer mom started in (that is how I will refer to her for the next ten years or until she apologizes), I pushed back. I tried to be nice. Really. I used words like “Please let these children go to the bathroom” and “Please consider giving them a cookie while they’re waiting for three hours backstage” but it didn’t work. In fact, when a (gasp!) patron left the theater only to run into a cast member in the hall, all hell broke loose. “Actors shouldn’t be in the hallways in costume!!! What if a patron sees them!!!” But what if the patron is the cast member’s grandmother?!! Aren’t these the only people who come to school plays anyway?

Well, let’s just say that a momflict ensued. My niceties turned a bit ‘not so nice’ as I was unable to contain my frustration when poor Charlie stood there with his knees crossed begging to go to the bathroom at the “inappropriate bathroom time.” I had to break free. I had to show microphone clad/coordinating hat volunteer mom that she didn’t intimidate me with her Britney Spears get-up. She was obstinate. I had to get through. She was yelling. I was yelling. It was ugly. And I left feeling bad about the whole day after I marched into the men’s room myself with little Charlie (who was now crying).

Momflict can creep up on you when you least expect it, especially in the most innocuous of places: the soccer field, the gymnasium, the carpool line, outside of a teacher conference or anywhere where a mom is feeling the slightest bit competitive about herself or her kid. This is why I believe moms should work or have hobbies outside of their children. If nothing else, it serves to dilute the amount of energy they use to obsess about their kids. I usually stay out of this stuff but if I feel really strongly about something I speak up. And sometimes it gets me into trouble. Oh well.

So tonight’s Kitchen Chaos is for both the controlling moms out there who exercise their control best in elementary school environments domineering over really nice, easy-going other moms (read: me). And it’s also for you really nice easy-going moms who put up with the controlling moms (read: microphone clad/coordinating hat volunteer).

Try stopping me from eating this for dinner. I dare you.

Take it right out of the concession stand so you don't have to stop on your way home!

And serve with this:

Makes all the Momflict just go away...

Share the Chaos!

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I love Sour Patch Kids. I'd eat Ranch dressing on my shoe. My kids think I like my computer more than I like them. I have road rage.
    • Melissa
    • March 17, 2011

    So true, Adina, so true. You nailed it.

    • Amy
    • March 17, 2011

    You crack me up!

    • Laura
    • March 17, 2011

    Adina – you are too funny!! You were very appreciated by us moms 🙂

    • S
    • March 20, 2011

    The battle of the mean mommies…they’re everywhere! I always picture them being part of a very different social circle growing up, clearly it’s a vicious cycle that must repeat itself with every generation.
    My feeling is to keep your cool if you are with your children- you never want to come across as mean or rude in front of them- but you do want to show them right from wrong.
    I’m very prone to sarcasm, and my five year old will hear me say something under my breath, and he’ll remark- “oh, I think you we’re being sarcastic. You don’t really want her to eat dirt.”
    Now I try to kill those mean mommies with kindness!

  1. Reply

    You have just summed up why I rarely volunteer at school.

    Reading this all I could think is “Poor Charlie!” Imagine if the poor kid hadn’t made it to the loo. The play-police would have had a real situation to deal with then

    • Karen Mesiha
    • March 29, 2011

    This is fantastic writing. Are school dynamics the same everywhere these days? I love the peace-sign-on-the-SUV, tie-dyed tee shirt, control-freak PTA moms in mine!

    1. Reply

      Thanks for the nice feedback, Karen! So great to hear from you! Hope you are doing well.

    • Marlo
    • April 4, 2011

    Love it…been there done that!

    • Ronit
    • June 19, 2011

    This is hysterical. I can honestly say that when Liana is Talia and Ryan’s age i hope i am exactly the kind of mom you are!! The best.

    • Alison Tevo
    • April 1, 2012

    I have forwarded this to at least 20 people because it’s so spot on. LOVE your blog!!

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    Your account leaves me dumbfounded, Adina. Bravo for you for having the good sense to get Charlie to a bathroom.

      • mykitchenchaos
      • May 2, 2012

      Thank you Jennifer!

    • Shannon
    • September 3, 2012

    Children’s sports, play, and any children’s activity that’s supposed to stay childish goes sour when adults start getting involved in them too closely. I know exactly the kind of person you went up against and to be honest I would have done the same. It won’t make you feel better and the argument certainly won’t change a person like that, but at least you stood up for your child.

    • Elizabeth Ross Lieberman
    • September 6, 2012

    Deep breath. Deep breath. And laugh. Really, it is all so insanely funny. Brilliantly written. I could visualize the whole scene. Well not the boy’s bathroom part. Thanks for speaking up.

    • Michelle
    • September 6, 2012

    Love it!!!

    • Like
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