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Ban this. Now.

Published on: 06-02-2017

Not sure why this is still an issue, but apparently, it is. See, there are some words in the English dictionary that should be banned from usage. Banned. Forbidden. Permanently deleted from our vocabularies. Why? Because they’re really, really bad. They sound ridiculous. They imply things you don’t even want to think about them implying. And because, they just suck.

I won’t waste more of your time. I’ll just cut to the chase. Please, for the love of G-D or whatever higher being it is in which you believe, do yourselves and everyone else a favor and never utter these words again. They are in no order of importance.

  1. PING – First of all, what is this? Because if it’s supposed to be an onomatopoeia for the sound a text makes when it hits your phone, well, it’s wrong. It doesn’t say ‘Ping!’ I mean, if you’re on a flight and you land and it’s time to deplane, fine. ‘PING!’ makes sense because, well, that’s what it is. So unless you’re the CEO of Hewlett Packard or the likes, please don’t ever say “I’ll Ping You” because it sounds perverted and I’ll probably slap you. Plus it’s already a dated term.
  2. SLACKS – No. No. No. No. No. Don’t say them. Don’t wear them. Don’t buy them. Don’t do anything with them except file this word into the “When I was at your Bar Mitzvah in the 80s and wore those SLACKS they looked just as bad then as they sound now.” Slacks are just dumb. First of all they only seem to come in two colors: Khaki and Navy blue. BO-RING. They also sound like they make a sound when you’re walking and who wants that?
  3. MOIST – I. Can’t. Even. It’s just so wrong, you know? The sound, the connotation. The fact that it’s often used when referring to GOOD CAKE? NO! Get rid of this word. NOW.
  4. ANYWHO – If you’re using this word you’re either a librarian from 1970 (still) trying to be hip or you’ve spent way too much time watching Dr. Seuss. Bag it.
  5. DAB – This word, like the ridiculous dance that it came with, had its 15 minutes of fame in 2015. And now it’s obsolete. So don’t use it.
  6. LOL – Write it. Just don’t SAY it. Get it?
  7. WHET – as in, your appetite. See #3.
  8. BAE – I’m aging myself here, but I just don’t get this one. Is it a Beyonce thing? Not 100% offensive, but enough to make the top ten. Also, it isn’t a real word.
  9. BANDWIDTH – This term should have died with the 90’s crash. If you don’t have the Bandwidth to understand this, then just put on your slacks and ping me.
  10. TOTES  – are bags. Large bags that you bring to the beach, or you get monogrammed for camp or use to go grocery shopping. They are not other ways to say “OMG you are SO RIGHT!”

So, um, now that we cleared this up, let’s somehow figure out how to relate it to a recipe. I’m snarky today, aren’t I? What should make for dinner? Something that shouldn’t be banned. Like Rotisserie Chicken Salad with Grilled Corn and Apple Cider Vinaigrette. Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve posted so I’m hurtin… work with me.




3 fresh stalks of corn
Romaine Lettuce
1 Rotisserie Chicken
1 Red Pepper
1 Can Garbanzo Beans
1 Can Black Beans
Small cup of Cojita Cheese
Appx. 1/8 cup Mayonnaise
Splash Olive Oil
Splash Apple Cider Vinegar
1 lemon


Grill corn on BBQ, turning frequently until it is charred but not burnt (3-4 minutes and roll for a total of 15 minutes)
When cool, slice corn off cob.
Shred chicken from Rotisserie.
Chop lettuce and combine rest of salad ingredients.
Add chicken and toss.
Combine corn with mayo, a dash of S&P, and a squirt of lemon. Toss corn into salad.
Mix salad and toss with oil and apple cider vinegar.

I love Sour Patch Kids. I'd eat Ranch dressing on my shoe. My kids think I like my computer more than I like them. I have road rage.
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