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Chicken Burgers and a Tantrum

Chicken Burgers and a Tantrum

Published on: 03-02-2017

If you’re like me, you have no patience. Which means that a tantrum at 5pm is bad news for both you and said tantrum architect. But before you do something you’ll be sorry for later, quickly place junior in a very long time-out and take your aggression out on a nice package of ground chicken. I always keep my freezer stocked with ground chicken for exactly this reason. If you’re lucky enough to have remembered to take it out of the freezer in the morning, you can get right to work kneading your hands through the ground slimy bits right at 5pm. If you need to nuke it for a minute, that’s fine too. But in the end you’ll have accomplished two things while you’re punishing your child. One, you’ll have made a healthy dinner and two, you’ll have gotten out a lot of stress and anxiety.

Ingredients

One Package Ground Chicken (or Turkey)
2 splashes Worcestershire sauce
2 splashes soy sauce
1 egg
1 squirt Ketchup
1 package onion soup mix
1/2 onion, diced
appx 1/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs
few pieces fresh chopped parsley or basil (if you have it)

Instructions

1
Wash hands. This is imperative as you’re about to annihilate the ground chicken.
2
Rinse the chicken and put it in a bowl.
3
Proceed to massage, mince, pound, beat, do whatever you want to do to get out your aggression for your kid on the chicken for a minute or two...longer if necessary. Turn on Whitesnake or Metalica for added effect.
4
Dice the onion and add. Use onion to induce tears so it looks like you're really, really upset (which you are). If your kid shows up unexpectedly by leaving his time out spot, show him how much you have been crying because of his abhorrent behavior.
5
Squirt a little ketchup, toss in a bit of the Worcestershire sauce, a couple of shots of the soy sauce, sprinkle in the package of onion soup mix, bread crumbs and egg. Mix thoroughly.
6
Repeat hand mincing if your kid is still crying. If not, let him out, order him to wash his hands and then allow him to get out his own aggression on your ground chicken as a peace offering.
7
Make patties out of the chicken burgers.
8
Spray grill with nonstick spray (before turning on) and grill on medium until fully cooked (appx 4-5 minutes per side) or pan fry until no longer pink in the middle.
9
Serve with pita pockets or hamburger buns (or wrap in lettuce if you're going no carb) and top with guacamole. These are delicious chicken burgers and as soon as you taste them everyone will kiss and make up! *Timeout Tip* When you’ve just about lost it, tell your child that you need a Time-Out instead of him. Say something like, “Mommy is feeling very angry right now and needs a time out so she doesn’t yell at you more than she already did,” before you send ornery child to his/her room. This will show him/her that Mommies, too, are capable of misbehavior and need some time to cool off before reentering the family space. If this doesn’t work, just put him/her back in a Time-Out and continue mincing your burgers. Raise volume of Whitesnake if necessary.

I love Sour Patch Kids. I'd eat Ranch dressing on my shoe. My kids think I like my computer more than I like them. I have road rage.
    • Jenny
    • March 11, 2017
    Reply

    Saw your segment yesterday on 11 Alive. OMG it was soooo my life. We made the burgers last night and they were oh so tasty! Are you going to be on again? I love your blog! Thanks! Jenny

      • kitchenchaos
      • March 11, 2017
      Reply

      Thanks for watching, Jenny! Hope the burgers were a hit!

    • Rebecca Barajas
    • March 28, 2017
    Reply

    I made these tonight while punishing!! Punched the counter by mistake but a little blood never hurt anyone! They were delicious and easy! Will be trying many more of these recipes!! Kisses-Becca

    • kitchenchaos
    • March 28, 2017
    Reply

    Oh no! We don’t like to inflict injuries on our recipe testers!! Hope the burgers came out well and hope you didn’t hurt yourself! Thanks so much for writing!! 🙂

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