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Thermostat Woes

Published on: 01-07-2011

An old post from a former life…but the theme is universal.

My former husband and I, how shall I put this…have severe thermal differences. If it were up to him our house would be used to store frozen meats for Costco. I, on the other hand, believe that a thermostat was meant to be used. If we wanted to live in a frozen tundra we would move there. And so I turn it on. And I turn it up. And he turns it down. Or worse, off.

This causes, how shall I say this…issues. I actually think all men have a condition that should be officially termed ‘Thermal Rage.’ Something about women turning up the thermostat simultaneously flips a switch in them that induces severe anger. When I was a kid I would constantly turn the thermostat up at night because I thought my parents were trying to freeze me out of house and home. This worked until one night my dad taped a note next to the thermostat that read “Touch this and die” which scared the hell out of me because I was only fourteen. To this day, I only turn the thermostat up when nobody is around because I don’t want anyone to kill me.

However, I believe that women, specifically moms, deserve first dibs on thermostats for the following reasons:

  1. Having been pregnant at any given time gives us the right to demand things like control over thermostats, blankets, and the good socks to compensate for the raging hormones that attack us for nine months. Don’t ask questions.
  2. A ‘too hot’ or a ‘too cold’ woman is not a happy woman. And an unhappy woman makes for an unhappy household. Don’t ask questions.
  3. Freezing cold houses have bad feng shui, kind of like houses with too much marble.
  4. Saving money by turning the thermostat off every time you leave the house ultimately will not save you money when I take your ass to therapy for turning off the thermostat every time you leave the house.
  5. Finally, women, pregnant or not, like thermostats, fluctuate in temperature. One minute we’re hot, one minute we’re cold. Embrace this and you’ll get a lot more out of us.

So what does any of this have to do with food? Nothing. But it’s just another element of chaos that goes on in my house on a regular basis. And one that typically causes a stir (to be kind) around dinnertime. Just because my husband is thermally challenged doesn’t mean our meals have to suffer, right? He just needs to learn to roll with it if he wants to eat. To pay homage to this, I offer you a recipe for chicken wings and drumettes that can be eaten hot or cold. Enjoy while you’re watching your favorite show wrapped in a Snuggie (or Slanket) while holding the remote as tightly as you can. *Note* Remotes go into the same category as thermostats.

Chinese Chicken Wings

Ingredients (yes there are measurements in this one):

  • 2-3 lbs chicken wings and drumettes
  • 1 stick margarine
  • 1 cup (or half bottle) soy sauce
  • 3/4 cup water
  • 1 cup dark brown sugar

Directions:

  1. Heat all ingredients on low until sugar is dissolved and margarine melts.
  2. Cool and pour over chicken wings.
  3. Marinate for a few hours or overnight.
  4. Bake on 375 for 1.5 hours or on 225 for 2-3 hours, checking often. Or, put in a crock pot and cook on low for 3-4 hours. *Personally I like the low and slow option as the sauce thickens better on the wings.

These are great for Football Sundays when the men are way too preoccupied with eating and football to notice how many times you turn up the heat.

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I love Sour Patch Kids. I'd eat Ranch dressing on my shoe. My kids think I like my computer more than I like them. I have road rage.
    • Catherine Dyer
    • January 9, 2011
    Reply

    Perhaps your husband should see…a doctor!

    Am really enjoying your blog; you’re hilarious.

    I hope you & your thermally-challenged husband can see my play at Theatre in the Sq. (The 39 Steps – http://www.theatreinthesquare.com)

    Thermostats should be kept at 70 MINIMUM!
    catherine

    1. Reply

      Thanks for reading Catherine! We’d love to come and see your show! Love watching you on TV too!

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