“Bob’s in town from Seattle for the night. I told him he should come for dinner instead of eat at the hotel.” Of course. Um, who the hell is Bob again? “From accounting.” And we are having him for dinner because…he’s your boss? “No, just a guy from the Seattle office.” I get it. Yes, […]
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I don’t like having conflict with other moms. It’s uncomfortable. It’s awkward. It’s juvenile. It’s “Momflict.” But every now and then a girl has to speak up, right? So I did. And it was uncomfortable. And it was awkward. And it was just a weeee bit juvenile. It happened last week when my daughters were […]
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I’m sitting at my second office (Panera Bread) doing what I do best — procrastinating and watching other people. It’s an extremely productive way to waste time. Here come two 30-somethings dressed in jeans and cute tops. C’mon, give me something to chew on. No, I’m not interested in hearing about your cookie exchange. Next. […]
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A friend of mine hosted an “End of the Summer Salads” dinner party last week. I was confused at first. Did this mean we were celebrating the salads that sat around all summer and we were going to eat them wilted? Or did it mean we would only be eating salads whose ingredients are available […]
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It took me about a week to figure out this was a zucchini. Whoops. I really should have noticed that back in July. But life just gets so busy, you know? Plus, what if it had been a science experiment for one of my daughter’s classes? I’d just feel terrible had I thrown it away. […]
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Or is it The Rain? I don’t know. It’s too damn hot to think. How does one possibly stay cool when it’s 108 degrees? Douse oneself with ice cubes all day? Blast the AC and hole up at home? Move to Alaska? Every summer when there is some semblance of a heat wave somewhere, the […]
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If my daughter gets her period before age 11 can I sue Costco? I’m not kidding. Because I just happened to be shopping there over the weekend and couldn’t help but notice that every single piece of produce and every single slab of meat looks absolutely perfect. Perfect like this: And then I just happened […]
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I just came home from work to find my dog eating my rug. I’m pissed. But not just because he ate my rug and had the audacity to continue eating as I walked in. Because it’s a MADELINE WEINRIB rug that I got at ABC Carpet for a steal after finding it on the bottom […]
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Ohh. Feels like fall! So, quick! Before it regresses back to 95 degrees in the shade, run, don’t walk to the nearest grocery store and stock up on pumpkins, bales of hay, cranberries, cinnamon sticks, and anything else that will get you feeling crispy!! Oh how I love, love, love fall! But alas, I know […]
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Every year I say I won’t do it. But then I do it anyway. Overschedule my kids. Are you the same? It all starts like this: A simple game of Tetris. My life. Probably your life, too. Just as you’re tossing your last dive stick into the pool and squeezing the chlorine out of your […]
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I don’t know about you but I have an inordinate amount of piles in my house. Piles that get shifted to various locations depending on the goings on of the household. Typically mail piles are pretty much everywhere unless people are coming over. Then they get shoved into drawers. Which is really bad because bills […]
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They look happy enough. So why am I crying? I’ve been unusually anxious over the past few weeks. You know, your typical can’t eat, eat too much, yell too much, stay away from me or you’ll be in time-out for no reason, and just a general feeling of unease. Didn’t quite know what it […]
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I’ve been decoding my letters from my daughter, Talia to gauge how much fun she’s really having at sleep away camp. The first letter came to her sister, Ryan. It was abundantly loving, leading me to believe she wasn’t having any fun at all. “I miss you soooooooooooooo much and I can’t wait to see […]
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A friend of mine hosted an “End of the Summer Salads” dinner party last week. I was confused at first. Did this mean we were celebrating the salads that sat around all summer and we were going to eat them wilted? Or did it mean we would only be eating salads whose ingredients are available […]
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I love Sour Patch Kids. I'd eat Ranch dressing on my shoe. My kids think I like my computer more than I like them. I have road rage.
